im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
