I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
