dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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