$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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