Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Vodka?
Forever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize