so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
