hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
