ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
