Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
