You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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