He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize