i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
