So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
