The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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