YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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