If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
