my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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