I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
