Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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