i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
