drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize