We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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