im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
