did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dicks are not precious.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
