I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
