i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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