girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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