u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
