the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
