Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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