well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
