woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just googled if crying burns calories
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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