It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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