Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
