I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
