just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
