Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize