best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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