Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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