as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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