I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
