I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
