none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
