remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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