Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
