he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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