so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
