i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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