Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
