the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
