i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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