Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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