I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Banned from zoo.
Again?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
