I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize