I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
