Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize