I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
