Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
