Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
