I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
