Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
