in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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