It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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