The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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