worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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