i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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