Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
