Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
