in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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