Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
