she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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