Will you blow on my dice?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
