I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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