So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
