cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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