dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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