I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
