Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
