Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
