I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
