I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize