i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
