He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
