'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
