i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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