the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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