Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
