hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
