I wannas sexs uuuuu
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
