Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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