I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
