we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
