Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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