I should be sponsored by Trojan
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
