I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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