No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
