really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
