I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
