break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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