So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
