My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
